A friend came over this weekend and asked about "The Rules." This guy thinks conceptually, rather than instinctively. I live entirely within my feelings; I had no idea what he was talking about. "What rules?"
"The ones that govern behavior, human relationships."
"Isn't that the province of religion and philosopy?"
He doubted the usefulness of either. There should be a written, codified standard text on how people act and interact, he said. I should expect this from a Libra, the scales need to balance at all times. I suppose the Ten Commandments are such a work, at least for Charlton Heston and some school principals in the South, and at the other end of the spectrum you could do worse than Emily Post. At the very end of the evening, I reminded him that I expected a bread-and-butter note written and sent within 24 hours, as dictated by Ms. Post, if he wanted to live within Miss Manners-type Rules. Jesus said, "And love ye one another." That's pretty good general advice, and I have to give the WWJD folks credit, if they'd only stop ascribing their own petty preconceptions to the Son of God. But I think we were talking about a real code for human interaction, like the Laws of Hammurabi. The sex-on-the-third-date rule. Who sleeps over where and when. How many goats as a fine for a hurtful comment.
Personal discipline has never been my strong suit. Chuck, a former co-worker, has had a cartoon posted in his office for years. The first panel is captioned, "The Voice of Reason." In it, an ordinary-looking person says, "It's raining. Put on your galoshes." The next panel is captioned, "The Voice of Binky." A circus clown shouts, "Throw your galoshes out the window!" Binky has served as my personal advisor for years. A metaphorical pile of galoshes as tall as I am sits outside all my windows.
In such cases, Rules can be comforting.
For several years, over a decade ago, I was part of a subculture that thrived on rules; the interactions and encounters were all negotiated beforehand, or at least agreed not to be restricted by rules. I think I liked that aspect; I was unlikely to be tripped up by my discarded galoshes. I still think personal negotiation is best, although impractical for every interchange. It's pretty well understood that if you pay the teenager at the drive-through window, you get your hamburger in return. But what about potentially deeper relationships? What about shy people who have a hard time approaching the topic, let alone articulating their needs and boundaries? Is it shyness or laziness, or simple irresponsibility, that keeps me from setting out my own rules when asked for them, as my friend was doing, I now realize. There is no point of refuge -- unless I stay a shut-in the rest of my life. And only meet intruders.
It's probably time for me to stop listening to the Voice of Binky. What, and turn into a grown-up?
personal history
What fun, I just love it.... I got my blog name buried in a pile of post-it notes on my desk, thinking that might spur me on. I even finally started writing some things in a sacred Van Gogh journal I had been schlepping about for 6 years with not even my name in it....but THIS, THIS.... you have me sold. This is the way to go. I love it. Keep on cousin. When I construct, I'll send you the url. Love you. Ginny......time to swim
Posted by: cousin ginny | Friday, June 03, 2005 at 07:19 PM
I love that cartoon as well - full effect is:
(Cartoonist is Roz Chast from New Yorker)
In a Quandary:
The Voice of Reason: "It's not such a bad idea, just put the galoshes on."
The Voice of Conscience: "Mom will be mad if you don't put these on."
The Voice of Practicality: "It's raining. Why don't you just wear them?"
The Voice of Binky the Clown: "Throw them out of the window."
New Yorker Cartoon
Posted by: Genyphyr | Thursday, January 19, 2006 at 03:18 PM
My copy on my wall since mid 80's has "Toss them out of the window" are there other's?
Posted by: pete gregorio | Saturday, December 19, 2009 at 09:48 AM
http://photos1.blogger.com/img/5/2980/640/VoiceOfReason.jpg (sorry that's not a hyperlink, and puzzled why the JPEG image is not titled InAQuandry, but whatever, as everyone here can surely attest, Roz Chast's clever 25 year old cartoon is one of the most memorable ever published):
The Voice of Reason: "It's not such a big thing; just put the galoshes on."
The Voice of Conscience: "Mom will be mad if you don't put them on."
The Voice of Practicality: "It's raining. Why don't you just wear 'em?"
The Voice of Binky: "Toss them out of the window."
Posted by: JokeToy | Thursday, June 17, 2010 at 02:04 AM