Fragile Industries

Rushing the Season

Things are good here.  Mom has been in great positive spirits and for some reason has lately decided that I am an asset, or at least not a cause for martyrdom.  Makes life much easier.

Thanksgiving was interesting and surprisingly wonderful.  Visited my godmother Ruth, now 85 and well into the twilight world of Alzheimer's.  Although still nominally living on her own, she spends most of her time with her nephew Michael's family, who should have gotten Al Gore's Nobel prize for their loving care of her over the past few years.  Mom and I made the trek to Frazier Park, a rustic hamlet about 2 hours away on the far side of the I-5 ridge route, elevation 4000 feet.  It was about as different as a Thanksgiving observance could be from a Mom-run holiday, which usually exceeds Buckingham Palace standards for ceremony.  This was wildly informal and unstructured, with about a dozen assorted relatives, in-laws, hangers-on, and drop-ins.  To a man, every male present wore the Harley-Davidson insignia in some form -- t-shirts, jackets, belt buckles, tattoos. No waiting to start eating until all were seated, no saying of grace, just immediate gorging.  Nor were nouvelle or health cuisine in evidence.  Vegetables were not in their native, recognizable form: corn pudding, broccoli casserole, and so on, each topped with cheese or cracker crumbs or both. And it was utterly, utterly delicious.  The meal defined guilty pleasure food.  I heaped my plate and had seconds, followed by both pumpkin and pecan pie.  Ruth was happy to see us and we all (even Mom, who amazingly refrained from a single snarky comment about the pervasive Middle Americana atmosphere) enjoyed ourselves. There should be a photo of this family in the dictionary next to the word "good-hearted." 

My contribution to the feast was my Orange-Glazed Yam Baby.  The appalling amount of sugar and butterfat takes it right out of the vegetable category into a sneaky way to have dessert with your main course.  Even so, I noticed that its resemblance to an actual product of nature scared away some people at the gathering.  One brave soul did venture into the world of yam baby and couldn't get over it -- I think his four or so helpings made up for the others' reluctance. 

I went into a frenzy of Christmas decoration the day after Thanksgiving and had a blast with my new 8-foot faux tree while I played the Phil Spector Christmas album over and over.  Fake trees have come a long way.  They used to look like an assemblage of wire coat hangers and green pipe cleaners.  This model, pre-lit with clear (non-blinky) fairy lights actually looks realistic, especially because every last branchette has something shiny dangling from it.  My vast collection of ornaments all fit, just barely.  A Glade pine-scented plug-in hidden in the outlet behind the tree helps.  I came to Xmas cheer late in life, about 10 years ago with the first holiday open house A and I threw, and revert to giddy childhood this time of year.  Mom has all the yuletide spirit of Ebenezer Scrooge before the visitations of the spirits, but has the good grace to allow me to play demented elf, dangling holly and mistletoe from every corner.  I'm in the process of creating slew of handcrafted Christmas cards, which should shock recipients -- I haven't sent even store-bought cards in decades.

I may be verging into hypomania, as I'm doing quite a bit of internet spending, too.  Christmas shopping is all done.  That sounds a lot more heroic than it actually is.  Mom and I have griped for years that everyone in the family, mainly us, have TOO MUCH STUFF already, and we're all impossible to buy for.  So this year we've taken the plunge into the charitable do-gooder thing and bought virtual livestock for the hungry through heifer.org -- a remarkable group run on the "teach a man to fish" theory -- pairs of animals (properly sorted for gender, of course) do have a tendency to reproduce, and soon a village has a herd of whatever -- cattle, goats, sheep, llamas, guinea pigs (ewww, but a delicacy in Ecuador, I'm told) and so on, and thus has sustainable protein, wool, and other by-products.  Everyone on our list is getting a gift card telling them about the agriculture done in their name for the impoverished.  We have two vegans on the list; so as not to offend their sensibilities with a parade of meat, trees have been planted in their name.  Elegant, simple, and if some grasping members of the family feel deprived, we've taken the prophylactic step of asking everyone to NOT send gifts to us, lest anyone feel shortchanged in the reciprocity department.

Believe it or not, this reaction actually happened the last time I tried a charity Christmas -- back when Jesus was a teenager and "We Are The World" rocked my generation of spoiled American youth into the realization that somewhere someone was hungry.  I pooled my holiday dollars into an African relief donation, bought a case of wine (regrettably, a blush zinfandel) wrote out little cards explaining the donation in their name, and everyone got a bottle and a card.  I was a poor law student and the simplicity of the idea excited me.  I settled back into a warm fuzzy approximation of Mother Theresa at the family Christmas Eve orgy of excess and waited for elevation to sainthood.  The reaction was muted, to say the least, from siblings, My stepfather at the time, a stranger to the notion of charity or graciousness, was visibly and audibly furious.  "You call this a present?!?!!" was the kindest thing he said.  No, really, I'm not making this up.  The man earns a zillion dollars a year and lacks for nothing, except kindness. My best friend and her husband were guests that year and it was their first visit to a gentile observance of Christ's birth.  And probably their last, after witnessing my stepfather's version of Christian values.

The long-divorced stepfather's not on the list, but even so I don't expect much in the way of gratitude from anyone.  I say fuck 'em, in the best loving Christian spirit of the holiday.

Other money splurges: a bit of vanity cosmetic work on Monday -- no cutting involved, but I got my face sucked.  Genetically, I've been blessed with good skin, so wrinkles aren't a big concern.  However, gravity takes its toll on us all, and my youthful chipmunk cheeks had fallen to chin level, creating a fearsome set of dewlaps.  My beloved dermatologist (he's young, energetic, funny and loves his work) said that I'd be crazy to go to the extreme of a lower face-lift, which scared me anyway, and the problem could be remedied with a bit of liposuction on each side.  It's all supposed to tighten back into the approximation of a regular jaw/chin line.  While he was at it, he had a good time with the laser machine, zapping off every little brown and red spots from my hands and face.  It was quite painful the next day, but now I feel fine.  I look, however, like I ran into a sadist armed with a lit cigarette and a baseball bat.  A veritable Arizona sunset covers my lower face, with blistery bits everywhere else.  Ah, but by New Year's, I'll be carded at bars.  If I did that sort of thing any more.

Also: many many used books (recommended: The Last Solution by Michael Chabon, Hollywood Station, the recent Wambaugh revisit to LAPD fiction); CD's (discovered obscure group called Explosions in the Sky, every song sounds alike so one CD is sufficient, but it's a good grandiose sound with insane drumming); Back To Mono, the boxed Phil Spector set -- he may be a murdering madman, but I love that Wall of Sound; One Kiss Leads To Another, a 4-disc Rhino compilation of the girl group phenom 1959-1968.  I get a sex flush from the harmonies of the Chiffons, Shirelles, Shangri-las, Exciters, Cilla Black, Darlene Love and their ilk. The set also includes arcane groups like the Fabulettes, the Goodies, and more who never cracked the charts but work the girl-boy-heartache trope brilliantly.

Gotta go check the mirror to see if I look like Angelina Jolie yet and play more kitch Christmas albums.  Happy early holidays!

When All You Have Is a Hammer, Everything Looks Like A Nail

For some reason (see Fragile Industries Manifesto) stories about women with hammers catch my attention.

I reprint the Manifesto here:

The Fragile Industries Manifesto

• Why the hammer logo? "Hammers" was my maternal grandmother's maiden name, and I like the matrilineal symbolism. My great-grandfather was a blacksmith, so there's that family history as well. I consider myself ready to undertake the Fragile Industry of rebuilding my life with that hammer. Rebuilding the Insconsolable Secret “that hurts so much that you take your revenge on it by calling it names like Nostalgia and Romanticism and Adolescence.” (C.S. Lewis.) In taking up this blog I raise the powerful tool of language, of exchanged ideas, of humor. I am readying other devices from my toolbox, rusty, disused. The hammer is an ironic symbol of freedom and new life, of encouragement to me. Take it up if you dare.

Those who know me really well also know that hammers, real ones, figure in my own history in a significant fashion.  So from time to time, when women with hammers make the news, I have a peculiar interest.

In just the past few weeks, there's been a spate of hammer news:

Chicago Police Taser Hammer-Swinging 82-Year-Old Woman

CHICAGO (AP) - Chicago's Police Department is investigating an officer's use of a Taser last month on an 82-year-old woman who police say was swinging a hammer when they arrived.

Lillian Fletcher was rushed to the hospital after being jolted by the Taser last week, but has since been released, police said Tuesday.

Officials with the city's Department on Aging went to her home Oct. 29 to make a welfare check, and called police when they saw Fletcher in a window swinging a hammer back and forth, police spokeswoman Monique Bond said Tuesday.

Officers arrived and in an attempt to subdue Fletcher one of them used their Taser, Bond said. The department is trying to determine if the officer violated department policy regarding the use of stun guns.

On Tuesday, Fletcher said officers had pushed their way into her home. ``They shocked me,'' she said.

Fletcher at times sounded confused during the telephone interview. Her granddaughter Traci Taylor told the Chicago Sun-Times that her grandmother suffers from schizophrenia and dementia.

``My grandmother is easily confused,'' Taylor told the newspaper, adding that the elderly woman can be belligerent but is about 5 feet 1 and no more than 160 pounds.

WOMAN'S HAMMER THREAT TO NEIGHBOUR

09:00 - 15 October 2007

A Bitter dispute ended up with a hammer wielding mum threatening her neighbour, a court heard.The bad feeling boiled over just before last Christmas when Gina Marie Rogers, aged 38, of Margam Street, Cymmer, is alleged to have brandished a hammer during an argument with neighbour, Kelly Ann Clark.

Following the incident on December 17, Rogers, pleaded not guilty before Neath magistrates to putting someone in fear of violence and common assault by threats.  However, Ms Clark, told the court the threat had been real.

She said she had returned from a day out with her ex-partner, Paul Simon, and their young son, to see Rogers mouth an offensive word from her window.  Ms Clark said she responded with a wave and went into her house then Rogers "came running out hurling abuse" at Mr Simon  She said the next thing she knew the door clicked open and Rogers was in her hall way with a hammer.  Ms Clark said that Rogers raised the hammer and said: "I am going to kill you" but she was quickly grabbed, first by Mr Simon, then by Mr Rumph.

In the witness box, Rogers, said she had been indoors when an argument started between one of her daughters and Ms Clark which she tried to diffuse.  Her partner, Wayne Rumph, told the court he grabbed Rogers because he "did not want any more trouble" and said she didn't have a hammer in her hand.

District Judge, Richard Williams, found Rogers guilty of both charges sentenced her to 84 days in prison, suspended for 12 months, concurrent on each offence. Rogers was also ordered to complete 100 hours of unpaid work and pay £250 compensation to Ms Clark.

Woman hammers home cable complaint

Mona Shaw, a 75-year-old resident of Manassas, Va., took matters into her own hands to get the attention of her cable provider.

It seems that Mona bought into one of those "bundling" packages that cable companies like to arm-twist you about through endless phone calls and mailings. The service combines phone, cable and Internet service.

Her provider was Comcast. Without saying anything more about Comcast's reputation in the cable community, I will merely point out that there's a blog called ComcastMustDie.com that does a lively business on the Web.

Anyway, Mona and her husband scheduled a service call. The company failed to come on the appointed date. When they did show up two days late, they left with the job half-done.

Two days after that they cut off her service.

Mona and her husband decided the best way to get this misunderstanding straightened out was to visit the local cable office. When they arrived, a customer service representative told them the manager would be right with them and asked them to please take a seat.

They did - for two hours. At that point, the customer rep cheerfully announced that the manager had left for the day.

Shaw told the Washington Post, "They thought that just because we're old enough to get Social Security that we lack both brains and backbone."

So after a weekend spent at low boil, Mona, armed with a claw hammer, visited the Comcast office again.

But there was no waiting this time. Mona delivered a few well timed blows to a computer keyboard and monitor and, for good measure, to the telephone.

"After I hit the keyboard," Mona said, "I turned to the blond who had been there previously, the one who told me to wait for the manager, and I said, `Now do I have your attention?"'

In taking decisive action, she lived the fantasy many of us share who exist in an era when customer service is as forgotten a concept as chivalry.

For her outburst, Mona was led away in cuffs. She received a three month suspended sentence for disorderly conduct and a $345 fine.

But she eventually got the service she sought. From Verizon.

And won a place in our hearts

Woman Fined for Hammer Fit at Comcast

Oct 19, 2007

BRISTOW, Va. (AP) — She was fined and got a suspended jail sentence, but Mona Shaw says she has no regrets about using a hammer to vent her frustration at a cable company.

"I stand by my actions even more so after getting all these telephone calls and hearing other people's complaints," she told The Associated Press in an interview Friday.

Shaw, 75, and her husband, Don, say they had an appointment in August for a Comcast technician to come to their Bristow home to install the company's heavily advertised Triple Play phone, Internet and cable service.

The Shaws say no one came all day, and the technician who showed up two days later left without finishing the setup. Two days after that, Comcast cut off all their service.

At the Comcast office in Manassas the next day, they waited for a manager for two hours before being told the manager had left for the day, the Shaws say.

Shaw, a churchgoing secretary of the local AARP branch, returned the next Monday — with a hammer.

"I smashed a keyboard, knocked over a monitor ... and I went to hit the telephone," Shaw said. "I figured, 'Hey, my telephone is screwed up, so is yours.'"

Comcast Corp., the nation's largest cable company, disputes Shaw's version of its customer service record and calls Shaw's hammer fit on Aug. 20 an "inappropriate situation."

"Nothing justifies this sort of dangerous behavior," Comcast spokeswoman Beth Bacha said.

Police arrested Shaw for disorderly conduct. She received a three-month suspended sentence, was fined $345 and and is barred from going near the Comcast offices for a year.

The Shaws did eventually get phone and television service — with Verizon and DirecTV.

She said many people have called her a hero. "But no, I'm just an old lady who got mad. I had a hissy fit," she said.

Home invasion: Auburndale woman fights off attacker with hammer

AUBURNDALE --Polk County Sheriff's Robbery detectives are asking for help finding two men suspected in an Auburndale home invasion.

It happened Thursday around 12:45 in the afternoon at a home on Woodland Trail. The victim was in her home and heard a knock at the front door, which she ignored. Then she heard a knock at the back door, and opened the door to see who was there.

She says two black men, both tall and skinny and wearing business suits, were standing outside her home. One forced his way into her home and asked for the safe. He then punched the woman several times and pushed her into a table.

The woman grabbed a hammer and battered the suspect until he left.

Grand Forks Woman Beats Man With Hammer

A woman is in jail Tuesday night, after severely beating a man with a hammer. It isn't clear yet what sparked last night's brutal attack.  The victim, 49-year old Kirk Phillips of Grand Forks remains hospitalized with severe head injuries according to police. His current condition is not being released.

It happened at the Kirkwood apartments on Seventh Avenue South along Columbia Road. Police were called to a domestic disturbance just before ten Monday night. They found the victim, Kirk Phillips lying in a hallway. Police say 26-year old Tiffany Linnell of Grand Forks struck Phillips in the head several times with a hammer.

Linnell remains in jail, charged with aggravated assault and criminal mischief. Police aren't sure what motivated the attack. Lt. James Remer says, "There was a relationship involved. However, there wasn't a dating relationship that we know of between the victim and the suspect. It was somewhat domestically related. The person who was assaulted, the victim of that, was a roommate to the suspect's boyfriend."

Tiffany Linnell was just in Grand Forks District Court. She did not appear to be able to mentally comprehend what was happening to her. She has a guardian, and a history of violence according to prosecutor Jason Mccarthy. Linnell is now applying for a court appointed attorney. Linnell remains in jail Tuesday night with her bond set at 11-thousand dollars. Her next court appearance is November 21. If convicted, she faces a maximum sentence of five years in prison on the aggravated assault charge.

She tried to hammer home point in parking dispute, cops say

by Staten Island Advance

Friday October 26, 2007, 5:41 PM

A woman from the West Brighton section of Staten Island was arrested after she charged a neighbor with a hammer during an argument over a parking space, police allege.

The incident began when Willet Ziegler and Juan Hernandez had a beef over a spot on Bodine Street, near their homes. The dispute boiled over at around 5:30 p.m. Thursday afternoon, when Ms. Ziegler ran after him with a hammer, and threatened to pound him like a nail if he didn't move his car, police said.

Ms. Ziegler, 27, told police he threatened to pummel her first -- so she grabbed the tool from her home across the street for self defense.

The fracas was settled with Ms. Ziegler's arrest, on charges with second degree menacing and fourth degree criminal possession of a weapon, both misdemeanors.

She now faces up to a year in jail.

Woman in Wheelchair Tasered To Death

A Florida woman in a wheelchair is dead after being tasered by local police at least 10 times.

Emily Delafield was not well. She was 56 years old, used a wheelchair and was mentally ill.

In April of 2006, Ms. Delafield called 911 because, she asserted, her sister was on the front lawn and wished to do her harm.

When the police arrived to investigate, they found not her sister, but Ms. Delafield, waiving two knives and a hammer at family members and the police.

The police, dealing with a middle aged woman in a wheelchair who did not have a firearm, went for their Taser.

One officer, according to the official report, tasered Ms. Delafield 9 times for a total of 160 seconds. That is 2 minutes and 40 seconds of at least 50,000 volts into a 56-year old female who uses a wheelchair.

A medical examiner found Delafield died from hypertensive heart disease and cited the Taser gun shock as a contributing factor, the report said. On her death certificate, the medical examiner ruled Delafield's death a homicide.

The Delafield family is filing a lawsuit.

Artsy Ants in my Pants

This may not rate up there with Hitchcockian suspense for you, but I haven't been so antsy in ages.

Today the Minneapolis Public Library, in conjunction with the Minnesota Center for Book Arts, announces the exhibitors in their big altered book show opening soon.  What's an altered book?  Example of entry here and explanation here.

It's my first formal exhibit entry.  The big lure was being able to attend the opening in balmy Minneapolis in January.  What's that?  Minnesota is NOT in the Caribbean?  Average January temperature is WHAT?

I was temporarily stumped when they asked for an "artist's statement" and the "artist's CV."  Um, I'm not even comfortable calling myself the "a"-word.  I decided to forgo artsy-fartsy buzz words, not try to be anything I'm not, and simply tell the truth.  I'm a raw newbie.  Untrained.  I do this because it's fun.  I've done other stuff for a living all my life.  And this is why it's such a cool rush to do this now.

My experience with Minnesota arts and artists has been welcoming.  Knowledgeable, top-notch, sophisticated in their perceptions, but without the preening attitude found on the Left and Right coasts.  I'm hoping that some of that Midwestern hospitality extends to the humble beginners like me. 

Excuse me, I gotta go check my e-mail for the 2047th time today ...

PS: Update: 11/15 -- finally heard, I didn't make it.  Oh well.  I'm less crushed than I expected.  During my poetry years, I got quite philosophical about rejection slips.  Now I can start my art rejection slip collection.  I'll keep trying.

Separated At Birth: 2007 Edition

For prologue, look here.

Mr. Clooney explained the 1970 shot, in part, with the remark that his mother was cutting his hair at the time.  Wow, what a difference a good barber makes, yes?

I had to giggle when Paula thought he was Bill Gates.  That may be the first time anyone has confused the two, but I can see why.

I anxiously await the reunion with my "twin."

Oh, the prize: Here's some sweet geek lovin' for you: http://youtube.com/watch?v=y6Z66U31wr4