Attention Birthers: Now it can be told ...

Unless you've been living under a rock for the last few weeks, you may have heard of the "birthers."  Perhaps not under that name.  Still, it probably has penetrated your consciousness that there are, in these United States, individuals who believe, with all the fervor of belief in, say, the flatness of the planet, or in Santa Claus, or in the existence of drooling gnomes who hide under street gratings who wait to pull you down into Middle Earth (oh, wait, I believe that) ...

Anyway, they belive that our president, Barack Obama, is not a native-born American.  That he was actually born in Kenya, or Neverland, or the "dark" side of the moon.  The logic of this is sketchy, not to say nonexistent, but apparently the suspicion is that Obama's mom and dad ran away from Hawaii, where they met and married, to, let's say Mombassa, rather like the voyage of Mary and Joseph to Bethlehem, just so they could have their child overseas.  Then they planted items in the local Honolulu newspapers announcing the birth in a hospital in that city. Hawaii had been an American state for over 2 years at the time. 

The spycraft involved is amazing, but it doesn't stop there.  THEN, Mr. and Mrs. Obama managed to infiltrate the public records office in Hawaii, and plant a birth certificate, complete with seal and signature, claiming that their son was born in a Honolulu hospital, delivered by a verifiable OB-GYN of that hospital, and drew his first, crucial breath on American turf.

This, apparently (and here I must admit I am trying to fill in the gaps of the "birther" quasi-logic) was for The Express Purpose of infiltrating their son into the American mainstream as a citizen, like a sleeper in a spy cell, who could then become President of Our Nation and lead us into ... whatever.  Fill in your favorite paranoid blank.  Muslin supremacy.  Socialism.  Gun control.  Tax relief for the middle class (that swine!).

Despite the easily obtainable and viewable birth certificate, despite the newspaper birth announcements, there are wingnut loons individuals who disrupt town hall meetings, lobby their representatives and more than anything else, spread their lunacy theories online.

Now, it can be told.  It is true that the last election was the first since in years when a candidate was not born on constitutionally American soil.  (I mean, Thomas Jefferson may have written the Declaration of Independence, but he was REALLY born in Virginia, a British colony... same for George Washington ... I could go on.)  No, lets give the birthers some credit here.  We were confronted with a major party candidate born outside of the 50 states, much less the lower 48.  

Yes, John McCain.  His father, sneaky GI that he was, spirited his wife out of our nation to an army base hospital in... PANAMA ... to have their son.  Panama.  Home of Manuel "Pineapple Face" Noriega.  Scary stuff, no?

Regarding people born at U.S. military bases in foreign countries, current U.S. State Department policy (as codified in the department's Foreign Affairs Manual) reads:

Despite widespread popular belief, U.S. military installations abroad and U.S. diplomatic or consular facilities are not part of the United States within the meaning of the 14th Amendment. A child born on the premises of such a facility is not subject to the jurisdiction of the United States and does not acquire U.S. citizenship by reason of birth."^[

In fact, Wikipedia describes the kerfluffle over McCain's eligibility as follows:

• John McCain (born 1936), who ran for the Republican party nomination in 2000 and was the Republican nominee in 2008, was born of two U.S. citizen parents at the Submarine Base Hospital of the Coco Solo Naval Air Station in the Panama Canal Zone.^[32] The former unincorporated territory Panama Canal Zone and its military facilities were not regarded as United States territory.^[33] In March 2008 McCain was held eligible for Presidency in an opinion paper by former Solicitor General Ted Olson and Harvard Law Professor Laurence H. Tribe.^[34] In April 2008 the U.S. Senate approved a non-binding resolution recognizing McCain's status as a natural born citizen.^[35] In September 2008 U.S. District Judge William Alsup stated obiter in his ruling that it is "highly probable" that McCain is a natural born citizen, although he acknowledged the possibility that the applicable laws had been enacted after the fact and applied only retroactively.^[36] These views have been criticized by Gabriel J. Chin, Professor of Law at the University of Arizona, who argues that McCain was at birth a citizen of Panama and was only retroactively declared a born citizen under 8 U.S.C. § 1403, because at the time of his birth and with regard to the Canal Zone the Supreme Court's Insular Cases overruled the Naturalization Act of 1795, which would otherwise have declared McCain a U.S. citizen immediately at birth.^[37] Although the US Foreign Affairs Manual states that children born in the Panama Canal Zone at one point only became U.S. nationals,^[38] it also states in general that "it has never been determined definitively by a court whether a person who acquired U.S. citizenship by birth abroad to U.S. citizens is a natural born citizen […]".^[39] In Rogers v. Bellei the Supreme Court only ruled that "children born abroad of Americans are not citizens within the citizenship clause of the 14th Amendment", and didn't elaborate on the natural born status.^[40][41]

So we dodged a real bullet there in that last election.  One might ask the birthers, in light of this revelation, who should be president, since both candidates might be viewed as unnatural born citizens.  Joe Biden?  Sarah Palin (but was she born after Alaska was a state, and if so, LONG enough afterwards to escape the possibility of Siberian infiltration)?  Curiouser and curiouser.

OK, now I get to stop breathing the helium and speak in my real voice.  I am big-D Delighted that this fuss is going on, and, apparently, is capturing the attention and respect of actual Republicans on Capitol Hill.  First teabagging, now this.  The weirder and fringier the Republican party becomes, the more non-certifiable Republican voters will draw away from the party in disgust.  To switch to the Democrats?  I don't really care.  But there will be an increased tendency for those with a brain in ANY party to examine what that party stands for.  Let's see, championing rallies waving teabags, or championing health reform?  Urging voters to focus on the President's middle name, or urging focus on the deregulation of the marketplace?  I could go on. 

Now It Can Be Told: I, Fragile Industries, secretly became a Soviet citizen before I was actually born, and gave birth to John McCain in 1936 in the Ukraine.  I sent him to train with his father, Boris Badenov, with the KGB  from the age of 2.  He was so cute when he banged his little shoe on the podium in Red Square!  THEN, fast forward, I traveled to Africa and fell in with black Muslim extremists.  At the age of six years old, I gave birth to .... aaaak!  The Secret Service have invaded my home and I can say no more ......

   

Comments

[LwC]

I don't get any of it. I mean, a child born to an American citizen is an American citizen. No one is disputing his mother's citizenry, so why is the rest even pertinent?

[Paula]

"I can say no more."
"Say no more."
(From HELP by Richard Lester.)

[fragile industries]

Paula: HA! I recognize that line! And the plot of that movie made more sense than this nuttiness.

LwC: see most recent post ..........