Visit Fragile Industries Studios For Altered Art!

  • Find altered art, altered books, custom art, wedding favors, wedding invitations, wedding scrapbooks, wedding gifts, shrines! Buy art direct from artist.
    http//www.fragileindustries.com/

    Fragile Industries Studios offers one-of-a-kind altered art works, assemblages and paper goods. Shrines, altered books, unique wedding mementos can all be made to order. Click now to see what's new.

Key Quotes from the ether wall

  • C.S. Lewis: "The Weight of Glory"

    C.S. Lewis: "The Weight of Glory"
    "I am trying to rip open THE INCONSOLABLE SECRET in each one of you -- the secret which hurts so much that you take your revenge on it by calling it names like Nostalgia and Romanticism and Adolescence."

My Photo

J'adore

  • Wee Piggy and Superhero Tazzy
    Bless their poofy hearts.
  • Survivor Toyland
    Very bent, VERY funny! I always thought there was something a little off about G.I. Joe. With links to other toy hijinks.
  • Stuff On My Cat
    just plain silly
  • Custom Altered Books
    These make great wedding gifts or scrapbooks.
  • Project Rungay
    Two fabulously glamorous fags ripping the show they L-O-V-E to watch. Project Runway from a VERY gay perspective.
  • Jafa Girls
    These girls rock! Altered art, assemblage, found art, lots more.
  • Dr. Gloria Brame
    Thoughts and resources for those interested in consensual adult sexuality. Who isn't?
  • Rianna
    A professional woman of eclectic tastes. Laugh-out- loud funny and intelligent. Recipes too!
  • Altered Art
    Unique and custom altered art direct from artist.
  • Everything in Moderation, Including Moderation
    Pop Culture, Food and Chicago -- with a twist.
  • Everybody Knows
    Enjoy her daily reflections. Formerly Freshman 44.
  • Houston Bridges
    Just another pilgrim trying to make some progress. [his self-description. I'd say he's the big brother I had to wait 34 years to find.]
  • SF Mike
    Great photos and stories about San Francisco: its arts, politics and characters (the author among them). It makes me homesick.
  • Bats Left Throws Right
    Best blog I read.
  • Appetites
    A discriminating palate from New Orleans muses on food, recipies and restaurants.
  • Blondesense
    Beauty, brains, boobs . . . and a great sense of humor.
  • A Winding Road In An Urban Area
    smart, smart, smart, and oh, did I say smart?

The Fragile Industries Manifesto

  • Hammers
    Why the hammer logo? "Hammers" was my maternal grandmother's maiden name, and I like the matrilineal symbolism. My great-grandfather was a blacksmith, so there's that family history as well. I consider myself ready to undertake the Fragile Industry of rebuilding my life with that hammer. Rebuilding the Insconsolable Secret “that hurts so much that you take your revenge on it by calling it names like Nostalgia and Romanticism and Adolescence.” (C.S. Lewis.) In taking up this blog I raise the powerful tool of language, of exchanged ideas, of humor. I am readying other devices from my toolbox, rusty, disused. The hammer is an ironic symbol of freedom and new life, of encouragement to me. Take it up if you dare.

Important Stuff I Think You Should Know

Click Me

Currently Featured On The Nightstand

  • Leonard J. Arrington: Brigham Young: American Moses

    Leonard J. Arrington: Brigham Young: American Moses
    I keep tossing this aside and coming back to it. I have several reading itches I need to scratch, like good plague and virus reading (I love a fun germ) and my trash thriller/mysteries, and 19th Century fiction, and historical accounts of Latter-Day Saints. I must clarify, I am an unafilliated Christian, neither Mormon-basher nor true believer. I find the fundamentals of Morman faith utterly unbelievable, not to say laughable, but my interest in religious history in general brings me back to Mormon studies again and again because it is historically accessible, unlike mainstream Christianity or Islam, the sources of which are lost in time. Brigham Young is the second-most influential figure in Mormon history next to Joseph Smith, the founder of the faith. I can turn to multiple sources for a historically-defensible biograph of Joseph Smith or the very origins of the LDS church. This book is the closest thing to an accurate history of Young, yet it was written by a devout Mormon. I feel great portions of Young's life in this work have been, if not whitewashed, at least granted enormous charitable impulse. Yet other works are so anti-Mormon in bias, such an obvious axe to grind, that I cannot believe them either. It's time for an outsider without agenda to write this biography. In the meantime, I continue to muddle through.

  • Tami Hoag: Kill the Messenger

    Tami Hoag: Kill the Messenger
    OK, so I need some trash reading, and I like mysteries and thrillers to cleanse the palate between Deep Works. I have my favorites, like Michael Connelly, who has never written a bad book. Tami Hoag, judging by this, one of her latest, may become another. Like Connelly, she writes a completely undemanding page turner that is more than a dumb police procedural or woman-in-peril formula. It ain't literature, but this was fun.

  • Chris Ware: Jimmy Corrigan: The Smartest Kid on Earth

    Chris Ware: Jimmy Corrigan: The Smartest Kid on Earth
    A perennial favorite, and one I re-read every year or so. This incredible, multilayered, seemingly inscrutable yet abundantly accessible work changed my mind about the graphic novel. This is a story that could not be told in words alone. His artwork is not standard overblown comic book fare at all; it is precise and architectural. Ware's artistry is not only visual, it is historical, narrative, deeply psychological and completely unique. He plays on the tropes of the old "comix" and the hyperbole of the back-page ads for X-Ray Specs, blends that with the voice of innocence and amazement of the Chicago Exposition of 1893, and then, in a perfect hat trick, adds our current post-modern nihilist, isolated and lonely existence of the 21st century to bring it home. I cannot describe the plot, because the plot, as cathartic as it is, is only one vehicle for what you experience. Be prepared to be confused and overwhelmed and moved to tears in this journey from son to father to generations past.

  • Dorothy Dunnett: The Game of Kings (Lymond Chronicles, 1)

    Dorothy Dunnett: The Game of Kings (Lymond Chronicles, 1)
    It's about time for me to begin my decennial re-reading of the Lymond Chronicles. I've actually read this, the first volume of the six, so many times that I've worn out two paperback versions. I make it all the way through all six every ten years at least. This series is a splendid addition to any Desert Island Reading List. If you like your heroes tortured, your buckles swashed with erudition, romances long on intellect yet short on the formulaic ripping of bodices, and sagas so sweeping all beaches would be free of sand, this is your meat. Recommended companion: The Dorothy Dunnet Companion Vol. I & II -- a concordance for this and Niccolo, her other series, which I find less compelling. Yes, she's such a reference-intense, not to say dense, writer that two volumes of clarification ARE necessary.

  • Bill Bryson: A Short History of Nearly Everything

    Bill Bryson: A Short History of Nearly Everything
    I'm working my way through this slowly, no reflection on my fascination with the scientific subject matter or my perennial delight with the author's superb diction. My pace is restrained only because I want to enjoy this at length. Bryson is one of my favorite wordsmiths, but in this new context, he not only entertains but enlightens. I'm a closet science geek, but some areas have escaped my enthusiasm until this book. I mean, geology, really. Now it's sexy.

  • Charlotte Brontë: Jane Eyre (Penguin Classics)

    Charlotte Brontë: Jane Eyre (Penguin Classics)
    This has a post all its own. A brilliant, courageous work, shamefully relegated to the "gothic" or "romantic" pile. This is the work that started a thousand imitators, all of which pale in comparison to the language, the intelligence, and the iconoclastic bravery of the original.

Make Big Money! Be An Artist!

09142006_01 I have a new customer.  She actually found my website via Google.  That search engine optimization stuff must do some good, tiresome as it is. 

She wants an altered book.  Because I prefer to work with the recipient in mind (that's why I subtitle my site "participatory altered art," a term I made up my own self) I asked her to toss out a few themes or images that had personal meaning.  She sent back pages of information, a blessing and a curse.  I work best under limitations.  So I'm noodling around for a theme.

I have no idea what to charge.  My books tend to be massive, lengthy undertakings.  The best limitation here would be brevity for the sake of both of us.  A necessary limitation is that I will have my studio packed and moving for the next ____________ (fill in the blank with a now uncertain period of time).  I'm going to separate out a selection of materials and work within those constraints, too.  Perhaps I should title this "Working Outside The Box", if that wasn't such a cliche.  "Out of The Suitcase?"

Pictures as it progresses.

HTML Gave Me A Black Eye

Girl_with_blackeye I blame web design for what is starting to look like a shiner under my right eye.  After days of fiddling with this crap, and photoshopping over 50 images of my product (some of those altered books have a lot of pages, and of course I think every one is pure gold), yesterday afternoon I noticed something wrong with my right eye.  The area underneath is and was grossly swollen, and today it's bright red, turning purple.  Next comes black, blue, green and brown.  I know the drill. I've had a black eye before, never mind how.  I ran into a door.  That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

But this one, I have no clue.  If I was still drinking, I'd be worried that in a blackout I had a party that got out of control, or a bar fight.  I'm not drinking, and I haven't joined the roller derby, so I blame HTML and Photoshop.  Or my evil bitch Maine Coon cat, Kitch.  Maybe she was pummelling me while I slept.  ("Hee hee hee, that's for the inferior brand of catnip, that's for forgetting my brushing ...")

I read a Dummies book about search engine optimization over the weekend.  Is that geeky or what?  Star Trek conventions and a steady Cheetos diet are next.  Actually (and this scares me a little) I found it stone cold riveting.  I took it to bed, thinking, "Instant Ambien," and was up until all hours.  At 2 a.m., I realized that this is the online version of what obsesses high school cheerleaders and Sally Field: How To Be Popular For Dummies.  That's all it is.  "The Web likes me!  It really, really, likes me!"  Same tactics apply.  Be nice to the important people (search engines), give them what they want (keywords, links, formatting), appeal to your target audience (the football team or your readers/customers), have lots of people talking about (and linking) you, and you'll be Homecoming Queen of the Internet in no time.  This is a little less insincere, but it is just as calculated and can be just as sneaky (stuffing your code with keywords, link farms).

For instance, here's an entirely gratuitous link to my website: altered art and altered books are better than V1agr@!   Yeah, that'll bring in the rubes.  If it doesn't, I'll sic Kitch on 'em.

Proudly Announcing . . .

Logo3_collage_background_2_darker_hammer "Art is not a mirror held up to reality, but a hammer with which to shape it."

-- Bertolt Brecht

... the opening of: Fragile Industries Studios!  In beta, at least.

If link does not work, cut and paste address (or engrave it on your heart): http://fragileindustries.com

Or Google "Fragile Industries."  I don't care how you get there, but go, see, comment, criticize, question, advise.  The "Shop" and "Gallery" extensions to actual pictures of my work have yet to be constructed.  They should be up in a few days.  Specific questions for you, my Devoted Readers:

How's the loading time?

How well does it display on your various screen resolutions (e.g., if you have a smaller screen, does it display fully or do you need to scroll, and if so, does the scrollbar display?)

I'm leaning toward adding pictures of my work to the navigation sidebar on all the pages, perhaps as links to the work itself, if it does not make loading slower.  Otherwise, the reader must click through several screens to get to my actual product, which is too much delayed gratification.  What do you think?

The "About" page is a shameless piece of puffery, although there is a germ of truth to every claim.  Is this obvious "truthiness"?  Is it as nauseating as I fear?  How do I tastefully blow my own horn?

Thank you, Devoted Readers, for your service as my focus group for market research.

I've been neglecting the blog for a few days during my adventures in geekdom.  Fragile Industries Studios has been my primary occupation for weeks, 12-hour days for the last few.  Yes, OCD runs in my family.  Building a website is not for sissies.  I gave up on pure HTML, used a sitebuilding program which is much more user friendly.  Even using that crutch, I feel drunk with power.

Internet entrepeneurialship is fun.  After I left my job with the courts, I ran a one-woman show selling used books online.  I figured out that I was earning about 10% of minimum wage per hour invested, but it kept me off the streets and I enjoyed it while it lasted.  This enterprise is more personal, though probably no more renumerative.

I Take It All Back

Altered_book_thumbnail_copy Nothing like success to change your mind.  I plugged away at the web templates, and gradually my lessons from My Favorite Geek found application.  Old, pre-blogging fears of my computer faded; once again I learned that the new desktop will not explode and take me out with it if I press the wrong key.

I perservered on the monkey theory.  A million monkeys on a million computers (with cut and paste) will eventually produce Shakespeare.  My product more closely resembles one of those Dick And Jane primers, but it's legible. 

So I no longer hate HTML.  It's simply a language that I'm picking up in a Berlitz-style immersion program.  I can now say, in a bad accent, "Como esta usted" and "Me llamo Fragile Industries."  Literacy and fluency may never come, I've accepted that.  I just need to know enough to get by as a tourist.

All the pieces of my website are done, the images load, I've not only completed the template forms, I've even created additional linked pages out of whole cloth.  In yet another metaphor, I've made the squares of the quilt, probably with mismatched thread on the underside but functional, and now they need to be stitched together and the quilt put in place.  My Favorite Geek has promised to tweak the pages to perfection and finish the assembly as neccessary.  Like any teacher, he said my efforts would eventually be empowering (he's big on empowerment).  He was right.  I may actually apply this confidence to other tasks I've put off.  Maybe today I'll do the dishes. 

Shrine_thumbnail_copy In response to Riannan's comment on my previous diatribe, I'm not designing a site for blogging, though I may eventually put up a separate blog there.  No, not for blogging, to sell stuff.  I have this delusion I'm an artiste *say in French.*  (I can never say that word without thinking of the ancient Bette Midler throwaway line on her live album, "I don't do shows in bed no more, honey, I'm an artiste!")  The under construction page for Fragile Industries dot com explains what I do, as much as words can explain a visual medium.  I've been thinking that one limitation of a website for my work is that photographs and words cannot convey the interactive component of the shrines and the books.  Drawers to open, dangly bits to play with, pockets to explore, even the simple act of turning pages involves the viewer/user/reader at a level deeper than a two dimensional work.  That's part of the fun of it, the process of discovery.  As a kid, I had one of those puzzle boxes that would open only by sliding different pieces and pressing buttons and tabs in a specific order.  It was one of my favorite toys.  I try to include that magic.

Ready_to_customize_thumbnail Another problem is that I try to intensify that personal connection by customizing the work when I know where its going.  Nearly everything I've made has been made for a specific recipient, and given away.  (That makes creating a gallery of past work challenging.  I've only recently started to take pictures of the finished product.  Jaryn, my friend of many years in San Francisco, mailed back to me an altered book I made for her 50th birthday last year so I could photograph it.  Much appreciated, honey.)  Anyway, creating ready-made, one size fits some if not all, kinds of pieces seems more like manufacturing than creativity.  I'm simply going to continue to make items that please me, and hope they find a home.  My site-to-be is full of invitations for custom commissions, but I doubt that I'll have a flood of requests.

The best example is what happened last week.  I mailed Houston a shrine (a whimsical salute to Beauregard, his late cat) to his office, which is where I used to work, too.  This was not by accident.  I was showing off, demonstrating that there is Life After Law.  Several of his/my co-workers admired it and expressed interest.  The potential commissions fell through, however.  Part of it may have been the price, and part may have been that they would be committing to a pig in a poke.  I'm not going to give this stuff away.  Houston's shrine took the equivalent of over 10 days of full time work, spread out over a couple of months.  (I lost my focus for a while there.)  If I charged the minimum hourly wage (I know I can't get a lawyer's rates), that shrine would cost over $450.  I'm charging $200-300, depending on the intricacy of the shrine.  A large altered book takes even longer, but probably goes for less.  Houston's take on things was that the shrines and books would be best sold as impulse purchases, on display in a shop where people can interact with the specific piece, fall in love with it, and take it home before they realize they've spent money.  A website doesn't offer that possiblility exactly, and custom work is impossible under those circumstances.

Everything_else_thumbnail_copy We shall see.  I'm also bowing to commercialism and putting more craft items on the site -- pieces that can be included in other people's altered art, whether a "fill-it-in" kind of journal, cards, tag books, miscellaneous embellishments.  I'm pretty confident that stuff will move -- there's a thriving eBay market.

If anyone out there actually runs an online store for art or non-manufactured items, I'd appreciate any advice.

Now, to those dishes.  They won't wash themselves.  It's true, I've waited for days.

I HATE HTML

So, full of hubris, I bragged a few posts ago that I was learning website construction.  I realized early on that it might be years before I grasped the essentials for putting up the permanent site for fragileindustries.com.  As a stopgap measure, I broke down and bought a website template on eBay.  It had about 14 templates which were different from the run of the mill boring format -- grungy, arty, whatever.  I emailed the seller, asked if I could customize them in various ways, did I need special software, would photoshop do.  All positive responses.  I thought, hell, how wrong can I go for seven bucks including shipping? 

Received it today.  Couldn't even find the html.  Sent another email.  "I just sell them, I'm not into tech support."  Fiddled around some more, modified the homepage of the template I liked in Photoshop, eventually found the html and instructions.  To say the instructions are useless would be giving a bad name to useless instructions.  They warn against modifying the images.  When you try, there is no matching font on the disc.  There's no way to insert any modifications -- like, say, changing the big heading reading "Navigate" to something more frivolous like, oh, the name of your business.  The only area open to change in html is a window with tiny text in Times New Roman.  So if someone wanders in by accident, they have to get their reading glasses to know where they are and what you're selling.

That's how wrong you can go for seven bucks.  If I'm selling a visual product, and the visuals suck this badly, it's not exactly the image I want to present to the internet.  "Navigate" as a homepage title?

Original and modified homepages below.  Original_homepage Revised_homepage

Moi, Geek Entrepeneur . . .

In other news, I'm taking webpage design lessons from a real web design teacher.  So far, everything looks like it's written in Urdu or Sanskrit, but I'm perservering.  After all, there's a profit motive.  I already have my "Under Construction" page up.  Said construction may end up like the Winchester Mystery House -- strange and never complete.  It's OK.  I have to build up a portfolio and inventory.  Also, I've given away most of my completed work, so now I have to reclaim it for photographs.  This is all theoretical, and what little market testing I've done shows a lot of very derivative work sold far too cheaply to make it worth my while.  My philosophy remains, "If I build it they will come."  We'll see . . .

More Random Notes: Weirdness on the Internet

1.  Am I the last person to know about reflectoporn?  The only aspect of this trend that disappoints me is the lack of imagination in the reflected images.  Lumpy, naked bodies, for the most part.  How about some whips, leather catsuits, midgets.  C'mon, guys.  This is a new blank canvas made available by technology.  Use some artistry.  Here's a related site that shows what could be achieved, but my quick browse found nothing XXX-rated.  I approve of this gallery as a fellow shoe fetishist.  Now that I have a digital camera, I may develop yet another time-wasting exhibitionist hobby.  Oh yeah, I blog.  Visuals are probably redundant.

Matisse_gecko 2.  The internet is buzzing about my guilty-secret crush, the Geico Gecko.  Geico Insurance commercials are inescapable.  Fortunately, their campaigns are usually pretty amusing.  One of my favorites is the series that sets you up to expect one thing, such as the fake reality series commercial "Tiny House," with the punchline, "I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance with Geico."  I loved that they revived the old "Speed Racer" cartoon of my misspent youth, complete with monkey and so-bad-it's-good animation.  Their ad agency is understandably proud, and probably happy to get away from the two-C's-in-a-K work. The gecko gained a fan club, a blog, gecko merchandise, and is scuttling all over every page of the award-winning Geico website.  When they unveiled the new, East End-accented gecko, with an improved computer-generated lizard, I would stop what I was doing to gaze into his limpid eyes and hear him croon, "it's pie . . . and chips . . . for free!"  What makes him irresistable to me is his new voice.  The first voice of the gecko, in his inaugeral incarnation, was Kelsey Grammer's New England baritone.  The gecko was silent for a time, doing the robot dance and other undignified antics.  Then Dave Kelley gave him an upper-crust Brit accent for a while.  Now he's a semi-cockney smoothie, kind of a friendly uncle who is a grifter on the side.  No one's telling who gives the gecko his new voice. I've spent far too much time e-mailing the gecko, with no result. Inquiring minds (well, idle minds) want to know.

3. Malcolm Gladwell, the author of bestsellers Blink and The Tipping Point, has a website with links to his New Yorker articles, a blog, and other stuff.  I enjoy his logical but innovative interpretations of our culture.  Like Freakonomics, he tries to trace trends with a particular emphasis -- psychology, in his case, not economics.  An excellent article about pit bull profiling and profiling's flaws in general confirms what I long suspected about the breed.

4. You know the stuff you find in used books?  Not the text, but the things people put in books to mark their place, or for safekeeping.  Photos, bills, lists, letters, brochures, all of which gives you a window into the life of the person who previously owned the volume.  One website, which has generated a couple of books, displays generic found ephemera, not necessarily found in books.  Some are funny, some are spooky.  I submitted the clipping shown below, found in a used art book. Poor "Stinky."  Do you think she appreciates this revealing memorial in the hereafter? There should be a name for this species of ephemera.  This is another website's topic. My brother claims the term of art is "snuffle," but I can find no confirmation.  Can someone with access to the complete Oxford English Dictionary clarify?Stinky_rip

The Phishing Expedition Continues on the Amazon

PirhanaAmazon.com - Security Report

03/30/06 21:43:30
NAME: Fragile Industries
COMMENTS:

Last October-November, my Amazon account using this e-mail address was the subject of nearly $3,000 worth of fraudulent activity, which was reported to my bank. I immediately shut down that account, froze the card and worked with your investigation department. Your investigation confirmed that the purchases on my 1-click bank card account were fraudulent. I also filed a police report, but to my knowledge, no action has been taken there (which is why internet fraud continues, but that's another story). A few months later the bank investigation also confirmed that the transactions were not mine and criminal in nature, and my money was refunded to my card.

I had opened an Amazon account on another e-mail address in the meantime, without 1-click (I learned my lesson) but it's not a convenient e-mail, so I opened a new Amazon account back at this e-mail. Then I get this just a week later. I opened the link, and entered my password, but then it went to a window to fill in credit card information and I knew THAT wasn't right. Particularly suspicious is the instruction not to contact you. I have changed my password already.

I have several concerns: should I cancel the account entirely? Should I never use
this e-mail address at Amazon again, given the two hacking attempts, one successful, one nearly? Finally, the accuracy of the information in the phish text (recent fraudulent charges, bank investigation contacting you) concerns me most of all: is this just a lucky guess, or do you have a
security leak? Does the bank? Should I report it again?

I'm sorry if this sounds hysterical, but while I have been very happy with the service you provide, I will take any means necessary, including never logging into Amazon again, in order to protect my financial and personal security. The price is just too high.

Thank you,

Fragile Industries

Pirhana_crossing_logo_2  "Amazon.com" <orders-reply@amazon.com> wrote:

Thank you for contacting us to bring this to our attention.

The e-mail you received was not from Amazon.com. You did the right thing by reporting this phishing attempt to us.

Since that web site you were directed to by the phishing e-mail is actually controlled by the phisher, they get the information you entered after clicking the link.

If you entered financial information, you should take steps to protect your information. You may wish to contact your credit card company, for example, to notify them of this matter.
Go to amazon.com/phish to read more about ways to protect yourself from phishing.

If you haven't already, you should immediately update your Amazon.com password. To do this go to our home page then click "Your Account" on the top right menu. To change your password, choose the option "Change your name, e-mail address, or password" under Account Settings.

Thank you for shopping at Amazon.com.

Sincerely,

Ben
Investigation Specialist
Amazon.com
http://www.amazon.com
=========================

Madwoman_1 fragileindustries replied:

Dear Ben,

Thank you for your quick reply.

Unfortunately, your reply is a form letter, which did not address my particular questions. The text of your letter makes clear that you did not even read my message. I told you that I had changed my password immediately. I did not fill out or send any financial information. That's not the issue.

I wanted to alert you to the phish, so that you could take action against these criminals. This, as my previous message makes clear, is the second time I've been phished. They only fooled me once. On the previous occasion, after notifying you, the bank, and the police, no one seems at all interested in prosecuting these people. I had the e-mail address used by the previous criminals while transacting their fraudulent purchases from you, the address in San Francisco where they were receiving the stolen merchandise, and a list of the specific merchandise. All of you were given this information. Other than driving to San Francisco, performing a citizens arrest, and then delivering them to you in person, there was nothing more I could do. Nothing was done by the bank, by the police, or you. Who pays for this crime? Do your insurers follow up on it? If not, then we all pay for internet fraud, and that reveals irresponsibility by the powers responsible for investigation and prosecution. Don't tell me it's a criminal matter. I'm a lawyer, and I know there are such things as civil lawsuits for fraud. Go after some of these scumbags, and it might prove a powerful deterrent.

The other reason I wrote was to get an answer to three questions, which are clearly stated in the text of my message, which is below. I ask again for answers.

NOW, let me spell this out for you. Take a minute from your busy schedule, read all of this e-mail, from start to finish, and pretend you are actually conducting business in a conscientious manner. What would Jesus do? Closer to home, there in Seattle, what would Bill Gates do? (Uh, forget I mentioned Bill Gates. He'd perform no more responsibly than you have, to put it mildly.) Put some thought into your reply, enough to write me back and give me what I asked for. You don't even have to spell all the wurds rite.

By the way, I'm taking my book and CD business elsewhere. This isn't much of a punitive measure, considering the scale of your empire, but it's for my own protection.

Yours in Christian love [I really said that, I don’t know if I meant it],

Fragile Industries

Res Caenum Ipsa Loquitor, or The Thing Speaks (Scatologically) For Itself

Dragnet_1

(photo credit: Thanks to these geeks)

The e-mail you are about to read is true.  The names, the viputeration and profanity, have not been changed, to further insult the criminal.

fragileindustries replied:

Listen, you scum-sucking bastard, I didn't just fall off the turnip truck.  I recognize this for just what it is: a criminal attempt to get my credit card info and rip me off.  I've reported this to Amazon and given them your header info, the text, and official permission to kick your rat ass to the curb.  I hope you are caught, convicted, and have to spend the rest of your worthless days playing bitch to someone named "Gorilla."  At least, never try this again with me.  I'm wise to your shit.

Got it, asshole?

payments-messages@amazon.com wrote:

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Dear [e-mail address omitted to protect fragile industries],

Greetings from Amazon Payments.

Your bank has contacted us regarding some attempts of charges from your credit card via the Amazon system. We have reasons to believe that you changed your registration information or that someone else has unauthorized access to your Amazon account Due to recent activity, including possible unauthorized listings placed on your account, we will require a second confirmation of your identity with us in order to allow us to investigate this matter further. Your account is not suspended, but if in 48 hours after you receive this message your account is not confirmed we reserve the right to suspend your Amazon registration. If you received this notice and you are not the authorized account holder, please be aware that it is in violation of Amazon policy to represent oneself as another Amazon user. Such action may also be in violation of local, national, and/or international law. Amazon is committed to assist law enforcement with any inquires related to attempts to misappropriate personal information with the intent to commit fraud or theft. Information will be provided at the request of law enforcement agencies to ensure that perpetrators are prosecuted to the full extent of the law.


To confirm your identity with us click here:
[link URL thoughtfully omitted by Fragile Industries to protect and serve]


After responding to the message, we ask that you allow at least 72 hours for the case to be investigated. Emailing us before that time will result in delays. We apologize in advance for any inconvenience this may cause you and we would like to thank you for your cooperation as we review this matter.

Thank you for your interest in selling at Amazon.com.

Amazon.com Customer Service
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Vulcan Mind Meld, or Why I've Been Away

Computers are good at swift, accurate computation and at storing great masses of information. The brain, on the other hand, is not as efficient a number cruncher and its memory is often highly fallible; a basic inexactness is built into its design. The brain’s strong point is its flexibility. It is unsurpassed at making shrewd guesses and at grasping the total meaning of information presented to it.
ATTRIBUTION: Jeremy Campbell (b. 1931), British journalist. Grammatical Man: Information, Entropy, Language, and Life, ch. 16, Simon & Schuster (1982).

Blog_shirtMy Devoted Readers (are there any left?) may have noticed my extended absence.  The reason is simple.  I am roadkill on the information superhighway.  I bought a new computer -- a spiffy, swift Dell desktop. Time for More Power, as Tim Allen would say.  I needed it for my new career -- more on that later.  All it needs is a brain transplant.  (And sound, but I can give it that.  The file transfer wizard is another story.)

I blogged on my laptop, which filled in the password for my blog, and I've forgotten it. I've forgotten the answer to the password clue, too. I must have been high at the time I created it. In fact, I know I was. And I don't get high any more, so any attempt to recreate the original conditions are verboten. Sigh.   Typepad won't verify the password without the answer to my "hint" question, which is "where were you born?"  I've tried every variant of true answer, city, state, street, hospital, Oz.  Goddess knows what I was thinking.  Give it a try.  If you can figure it out, you can write a guest column.

Still have the laptop, but it was having issues of its own.  For some reason, it refused to accept the wireless network I've set up in the house.  A few days ago, it has been blessed with a Spontaneous Healing, so I can blog again, but all the draft blogs I've written in the meantime are on the desktop -- and I'm back to my two-headed beast problem.

Dell "forgot" to send me the file transfer disc with the computer.  But they didn't tell me that when I called tech support asking why it wasn't working.  (You have to load the wizard on the old computer too.)  Instead, some dweeb gave me the hard sell for software tech support, at 99 bucks a hit.  I tore into him and hung up.  Roomie Robert heard this (he helped me select the computer and had asked about the file transfer AND tech support) and he called customer service, talked to them reasonably but threateningly for a while, and golly, my wish was their command.  So they send me the disc and the URL for Microsoft's instruction page, and I got a few more screens into it and it fucked up again.  None of the "troubleshooting" tips cover this particular snafu.  I don't have the intestinal fortitude to deal with Microsoft yet.  I'm pretty fearless, but Bill Gates' monster has slayed braver warriors than I.

I intend to be skunk roadkill and leave Microsoft with a lingering odor if they can't make this fly.  Now if only Leonard Nimoy were here (he was a pal of my mom's in the 50's, it's possible) for the Vulcan Mind Meld.

Over the next few days, I'm going to copy the draft blogs to my yahoo mail on the desktop, as drafts, where I can retrieve it on my laptop. Necessity is the Evil Stepmother of invention.

Lots of news.  Stay tuned.